Wonderful world of football ... Paper Talk scours the globe.
It's that time of the week where we scour the globe for the best football yarns and videos doing the rounds.
Paper Talk could probably rest on its laurels each week and rely on Alessandro Del Piero or Cristiano Ronaldo providing us our goal fix. But, we’re bigger and better than that.
You want volleys? From outside the box? At an acute angle?
Then it’s off to the Turkish third division for Altay's Korhan Ozturk thriller against Anadolu Selcukluspor, in the video at the top of the page.
FERGUSON, RONALDO, MOURINHO, ROONEY ....
As you'd expect of a game dubbed one "the world will stop for", the fall-out from Real Madrid's win over Manchester United is dominating football talk this week.
One of the interesting things raised once the hysteria of Nani's send-off died down was Sir Alex Ferguson's failure to react to Nani's send-off.
Fergie's match tactics have been widely praised, as United look unthreatened against Madrid until the red-card. But it's overshadowed some very measured criticism starting to appear.
After the send-off, Mourinho sent Karim Benzema, who he was ready to bring on, back to the bench and summoned Luka Modric immediately in a bid to start to dominate the midfield. Ferguson waited until the 73rd minute to bring Rooney on as his first change.
Where Nani, Welbeck and Giggs had worked energetically to congest the midfield, did Ferguson err in not bringing another body on to re-clog the space?
Celebration ... Real Madrid.
Meanwhile, sometimes you just can't win.
Jose struts around "calmly" - but he doesn't "do a good modest".
Ronaldo shows "humility" by not celebrating, yet it brings more attention on him.
Oh, the things we worry about.
"This really annoys me," Jamie Redknapp wrote after the game. "Why don’t players celebrate goals? It’s rubbish. People say it’s a sign of respect to a former team, but I think it’s nonsense."
Consider this funny post-script doing the rounds after the game: "is Danny Welbeck, United's version of Dirk Kuyt?"
So if Rooney isn't good enough to fill that hole as a workhorse, does that make Rooney a poor man's Kuyt?
IN ROMAN'S WORLD ...
It wouldn't be a round-up of rumours without spotlight on Stamford Bridge.
First up, it's on the coaching front.
Anything to read into Guus Hiddink's comments earlier this week?
"They have gone through a lot of changes. I'm the only man who wasn't sacked," he said.
"I said to Dutch television that I might stop at the end of the season, but we have other options to go on with (Anzhi Makhachkala in Russia).
"And regarding other clubs, I'm 66 now and will be 67 in autumn. As long as I feel energetic and I'm not becoming an old, bitter, sour man, then I can go on.But I cannot predict where I am next season."
On the playing front, the club has tried to distance itself from rumours that they have started talks with Frank Lampard over a new contract; Bild in Germany claim moves are being made to sign Bayern Munich striker Mario Gomez as a replacement for misfiring Spaniard Fernando Torres, while club chief executive Ron Gourley told a press conference in Bangkok that the club will continue to strengthen on the pitch.
"We will continue to strength the team and I am expecting the introduction of two or three new players and hopefully they will be in place in time to be part of the team in Thailand."
RACE FOR BALE
Forget the battle for supremacy in north London. The real reason Tottenham Hotspur need to push on and secure a UEFA Champions League berth is to secure Gareth Bale.
The Daily Mail reports that should they qualify, Spurs chairman Daniel Levy is prepared to offer him a five-year deal worth roughly £40m - an increase on his current £75,000 a week deal that keeps him at White Hart Lane until 2016.
Meanwhile, Metro reports that Aaron Lennon is a surprise target for Inter Milan, prepared to jump in with an £8million offer.
STAT OF THE WEEK
Arsenal can't catch Spurs with this record: 13 points from 13 games against top-half sides this season. That sees them below Stoke City and Norwich city in ninth place for results against teams in the top half.
No wonder Oliver Giroud looks a little lost: Arsenal's 20 crosses from open play against Tottenham only found a teammate ... once.
RUMOURS
Daily Express: Liverpool have identified Inter Milan's Antonio Cassano as a possible replacement for Luis Suarez if here were to leave Anfield in the summer.
The Guardian: Arsène Wenger wants to sign Swansea City skipper Ashley Williams for next term - he's had enough of partnership of Thomas Vermaelen and Per Mertesacker.
TalkSPORT: Napoli join Liverpool to snare out-of-favour Barcelona forward Alexis Sanchez.
Meanwhile, a drink-driving incident and just nine appearances on loan for Juventus could see Nicklas Bendtner shafted straight back to Arsenal.
He has been fined £97,000 and had his driving licence banned for three years after admitting to the offence.
But will the punishment end there, or will he return to Arsenal - where his career was in limbo?
SOUTH AMERICA'S BIGGEST NAMES
Daniel Alves says Neymar has already sealed a post-World Cup deal with Barcelona, and club president Sandro Rossell says they are keeping a close eye on him.
But what does Neymar think of all this?
"Daniel Alves is a good friend but if I say that (Lionel) Messi is coming to Santos, would you believe me?" Neymar said this week.
Barcelona, Real Madrid and Bayern Munich have all been heavily linked, but Neymar said on Brazilian television: "I have the dream of one day playing in Europe. Each player has his own time. Some go there when they're young, some wait a little more.
"My time is not here yet. When I realise that the right moment has arrived, I'll go to Europe.
"I don't have a preference for any specific club. I like them all. I have idols in all of those teams. Picking one (between Real Madrid and Barcelona), I don't have to. They are both great clubs. Bayern are a great club as well."
One person happy about that is Brazil coach big Phil Scolari.
"Neymar should have gone to Barca two years ago, but now it is better that he stays at Santos," Scolari said.
"How would he adapt? Would he be by himself? Would he start games? Would he play in this star-studded Barcelona team?
"For the World Cup of 2014 and for Brazil, it is preferable that he does not go right now."
No excuse needed to re-heat the best of the flashy superstar.
There's plenty from the big names over in South America this week.
Diego dreams of a Messi reunion - at Barcelona! Hmmm ... not sure the Argentina audition was quite the segue to the La Liga giants.
Looks like the diplomatic Messi agrees.
"Working with him when he was Argentina coach was good even though we didn’t achieve what we wanted to. But it would be pretty difficult for him to manage Barcelona. But I guess you never know."
Back in Brazil and "fat" Ronaldo isn't best pleased with the adjective used by Sir Alex Ferguson to differentiate him for "fit" Ronaldo ahead of Real Madrid's first game at Old Trafford since the fat one starred in 2003.
"He did not see me after One Measure (a weight-loss reality TV show)," Ronaldo said.
"I have nothing to add on my old physical appearance. I regret how disrespectful he was when he referred to me, it was not something that befits a 'Sir'.
"I’m proud of what I achieved in football; I was the best in the world."
For those us not in touch with our Brazilian reality tv, I can see why Fergie's tongue slipped, though!